Wasn't sure before...

A million doubts did cloud my mind

Just when there were knocks on my door

I rushed, then paused to greet them all

Wondering if me, they really were for

For months and months have made me lose

That certainty with which I found my way

And now flummoxed, as I stand

I don't trust myself to know night or day

And yet I see with complete trust

That what stands before me is a chance I must

Grab and revel in to make my sunny hay

While it lasts, so that I can later play

Yet there are those risks involved

Where I might put the lives of others on line

And a gamble that big, I shudder to take

For what ends up may just define

The person I am, and would be some day

With but a memory of that one mistake

When I played our lives in search for gold

To end up grasping but the fake

Yet the girl I was, knew I was smart

Enough so to march forth with an arrogant heart

And scoff at what threatens to impede my march

Confident in my power to them thwart

But that girl lays lost to me today

But I hope of finding her within me some day

And hope that day comes really soon

So I can open my eyes and recognize this boon

That is the knocks on my door

Yes I know, but wasn't sure before...