Taming beasts...

You know that indescribable feeling in the pit of your stomach that keeps you awake for days together?? That itch that you can't name but grow to hate with all your heart?? That annoying little voice that only speaks in gibberish in the back of your head?? Argh! I hate that time... It makes me antsy and restless and makes me oscillate between wanting to have a go at the next guy to walk past and .... well, yeah, just go hit something... Argh!!

I never know what it's about...I never know what triggers it...And I sure as hell don't know how to get rid of it... My best antidote used to be talking to this one friend till the heat subsides and I can go back to normalcy...Turns out, either the beast is newly resistant to my favored antidote or he and I have turned a corner in life... Sigh...So here I am, restless, edgy and almost frantic with not a clue as to how or why I ended up here... In fact, having my antidote busted just annoys me more... Dammit!

Yeah, sorry for the mood of this post...I don't like to go personal in my posts but it is a desperate attempt to vent... Living 8000 miles away from home limits your options for some good venting... God! I miss home... Well, not always, in fact not much but tonight, I miss home like the blind miss the sun.... I yearn to be back in the comforts of my streets and lanes that made up the kingdom I ruled for over a decade... Back in my foster home playing monopoly with a vengeance... Back on my terrace having crazy philosophical talks with aforementioned antidote... Or in my soul-sister's house watching horrible movies and cooking some popcorn... Or at "college" (meaning my friend's apartment... ) playing raucous rounds of cards and guzzling the beer...Ahhh...life...so perfect in memory...

The good luck with the perfect life extends onto this new continent I now inhabit... I've had a whale of a time meeting whacked creatures and creating new memories... From missed foam parties to victorious poker nights to crashed birthday parties and "sexxxy" birthday parties, I've had a ball from the word go... Add to it some glorious beaches nearby and being a stone's through away from George Clooney and Staples Center.... ahhh! Yes, life's perfect in reality as well... There's renewed purpose, although a lack of will, and a perfect setting to achieve childhood dreams... There's hope staring me in the face from all corners... And yet...

And yet, it is this infuriating poke in the pit of my stomach that clouds my mind... I don't know what it is... Hell, I don't even know why it is... It probably is my greedy heart wanting more from my near-perfect life... Wishing that memory and reality would fuse into a rosy future... Wishing for Monopoly parties at Palisades with old friends and new... Ahhh... that beast, "Greed".... Gets us all in the end... Sneaky monster... Creeps up on you even when your guard is on alert... Sighh...And the mind flows with the pretty pictures he paints... After all, ain't no crime to dream THE DREAM, is it??If only I knew how to tame the beast and let me sleep... so that I could actually just "dream".... siiggghhhh....